Lips to ears; feedback.

I think I've spent most of my life based on perceptions of what I've watched, read, and heard. Especially throughout my short time in college. There really isn't a certain way you need to do something, anything really. I'm just starting to get this relaxed feeling--life is now what I make it. I don't need to live up to any epic expectations, just what makes me happy. It seems trivial, but it's a nice realization.

Lying: The Breakdown of an Art

I'm pretty sure I always have an alibi. I make sure I do. I'm also a very good liar. It's kind of sad. But the bonus for being an awful person/great liar is being able to pick out other people's bullshit from a mile away. I always have been good at that. There are tell-tale signs for every situation: in person, on the phone, even over the internet or texts. In person, liars tend to limit body motion and emotions are usually forced and tense. Eye contact is often avoided, and people who are creating stories usually look to their right, not the left or straight ahead. On the phone (or in person), the person may have a shaky voice and will tend to use more words than necessary to complete their sentence. Things will be more elaborate, no detail will be left out. Delay of response is also another great way to tell in any form of communication.

When you have been lying as long as I have, you learn to subconsciously block these natural reactions. I try to tell the truth more often than not, but sometimes lying comes in handy. And sometimes you lie to save your life. Sometimes you lie out of selfishness. Sometimes you lie to protect others. Whatever the case, the average person tells 3 lies in a ten minute conversation.

Good and Evil

Sometimes I taste blood in my mouth from biting my tongue. Other times I've wished to shovel the words right back into my mouth. It's the triumph of the human spirit, and the weakness that breaks us down. It is "I am", "I can't", and everything in between.

Twenty minutes past 4--I'm staring, fixated on exactly what I'm hearing. I'm interested. Geuinely interested.

Half past 9--My fingers feverishly press keys that translate into words that translate into feelings.

I once was lost, but now am found. Then I will fall asleep and start all over again tomorrow.

Champaign:color; Champagne: beverage.

I feel like my life could be describe in a couple short paragraphs. I wish I could watch myself from a third person point-of-view and add everything to the first person narrative perspective I already have. Wouldn't that just be neat? I think so.

I'm about 3/4 of the way finished with my latest movie script. I think it's going to be pretty fun to shoot if nothing else. I really hope everyone enjoys it.

If I could have one wish, I mean really have one wish, I'm almost positive I would make the wish instantaneously, without thinking and regret it for the rest of my life...that's just who I am. That's my entire life in one gramatical atrocity that I call a sentence. What one sentence describes you best?

Cereal/Serial Numbers

After a week of awkward bedtimes, including last night's 4am, I am up at 11am feeling good and ready to take on the world.

Sometimes it's really nice to catch up. Other times, it feels better to let things just drift away.

Sometimes things make you take a step back and put your life into perspective.

And then some nights, you're just on. It's what you work for; it's nice to see some of your efforts finally come to fruition.

LARP-ing and Modern Theory of Western Worlds

Last night I did my own chemistry experiment: Would 3 sleeping pills that expired in June of 2006 still make me tired?

They did.
Extremely tired.

In fact, around 4am, I found myself slurring my speech slightly and finding it exceedingly hard to concentrate. Then I decided it was time for bed.

I had a few crazy and intense dreams that woke me up every 3-4 hours, but the last one I remember was a very special/hilarious one...

All of our friends were participating in a large LARP (Live Action Role Playing) tournament. Our objective was to scale the very large castle, kill all the minions, and finally destroy the King. Mikey and I started off as partners, and after we took down a handful of guys, we split up to search out different hallways. Then I found Buddha who was backed into a corner by 3 attackers and tried to save him, but he was slain. I bested the remaining two foes and continued on. I passed a Conor and Rookie who were battling what looked like one of those Chinese new year dragons. Like I said, this dream was pretty hilarious. After climbing the stairwell I met up with Dan in the balcony. He was protecting the last remaining princess (for bonus points). The other 3 princesses had been captured and put in a cage on the balcony. As we tried to break open the cage, the King appeared at the top of the stairs, blocking us in to certain doom. Then Dan stood in front of me and pulled out his sword and a dagger (which was also a hidden item worth bonus points...Dan is apparently very good at LARP-ing). I somehow lost my sword in the craziness of the moment and after a quick, but epic battle the King stabbed Dan, but he dropped his sword behind him. I snatched it up and then reached over Dan's shoulder and stabbed the King in the chest and then sliced his neck. The King was dead. Then trumpets sounded and all my fellow participants came out. All 4 princesses were very grateful, and surprisingly, they were all smokin' hot. The host of the LARP tourney presented me with the crown and congratulated me, and then I said, "I had a lot of help from my friends", at which point Mikey gave me a one armed hug and Buddha patted me on the back. It was really weird and hilarious. But then we went out to B-Dubs and ate wings with the hot princesses.

-The End-

Midwestern Stylings

The sole reason for never getting your hopes up, is having those same high hopes completely leveled. These are the pitfalls of aspiration.

I've started the fire beneath my feet--set ablaze the bridge I'm trying to walk across. I thought I was past that stage in my life...

Whenever things become uncomfortable, I want to head back to something familiar. Listen to some music, talk to an old friend, write, etc. I think most of us resort to some sort of familiar comfort when the cards fall the wrong way.

Anyways, I was thinking about feelings today, how powerful and intense they can be. For example, if someone has a wonderful day, and up until 10pm that night, things were going great; and then all of a sudden, something awful happens. If anyone asks you about your day from 10pm on, all you can say is negative things, even though a great majority of the day, was actually great. Even though the good outweighs the bad...

This completely reverses the good and natural mood I've been in for the past day and a half. And that good and natural mood completely reversed the strained monotony that I felt. And that was the last feeling I remember.

My notebook gets most of the writing work these days. Sorry blog. But there are some things I can put into a blog that I don't put into a notebook, such as: I really, really dislike this one friend of my roommate. He is always in our room. He talks loud and has the demeanor of a girlfriend that you really want to break up with, but don't know how. He's always up my roommate's ass to do stuff, and it begins to annoy even me. I can't imagine how Kevin feels. Nonetheless, my breaking point is today. After keeping weird hours of sleep last night, I decided to sleep away most of today. He proceeded to call Kevin numerous times, which woke me up each time. Then he came to our room and walked in and tried to wake Kevin up to go to lunch. Kevin didn't want to, but his friend whined, "But Kevin you promised to go with me to lunch at 1". Which, again, sounds like a whiny girlfriend. Anyways, I feel like I'm going to go off on him the next time he says anything at all to me. I probably won't because I'm exceedingly nice at college, but that's how I feel at least.

Enough for now, blog.

187

I'm trying to find the most creative ways to kill someone. And trying to find a good reason for it. I mean this in the least creepy and most artistic way possible.

What would drive you to the edge?

Match Point

It's always fun to meet new people.
It's always fun to experience new things.
It's fun to start new relationships.

And when you have impromptu parties, it's always fun to finish all the half-empty beers.

Winter break was definitely not what I expected, but it has been fun. I miss some of my old friends, but I have faith that we will all come through for each other when we need it.

Much love.

37 Brand new lives

We came, we saw, we conquered.

And then we came to 2009.

Today I stayed around; thought about stuff. I realized I can do it. I can do anything I want to.

While shopping at 9pm tonight, I realized that life is what you make it. It's crazy. It's insane. It's fascinating.

Sometimes you have epiphanies and feel so incredibly profound. Even over simple things. It's absolutely incredible.

Blurred vision, intensified emotions, and wobbly knees.

I don't know.

I can't tell you why I came home and thought of him. I can't tell you why I thought of him and his struggle at this hour. I don't know why it hit me so hard on this of all days. I can't tell you why I took a walk and heard wind chimes the entire 3-block walk. And I can't tell you why, at 3am I called my cousin to talk and she was asleep and answered just to tell me about him.

Sometimes it's just fate. And sometimes you just believe.

I miss and love you very much.